Farewell, Heidi

In my last post, I mentioned my mother-in-law, Heidi, having to go to the hospital.  The last two weeks have been heart wrenching and exhausting.  We found out that Heidi did again have seizures.  The cancer in her brain had shrunk just a little through the radiation, but the tumors were all still there.  Heidi was having constant little seizures in her brain.  The seizure medication was keeping her body from having seizures, but it continued in the brain.  She failed the swallow test, and she was unable to eat.  It was decided that she would need to go to the "end of life" program or hospice.  She had oxygen and and IV, and as soon as those were removed she passed away just a few minutes later.  Heidi went to her eternal rest on Tuesday, October 4.  We spent this week planning the funeral.  The visitation was Friday evening and the funeral was Saturday (yesterday).  Here are the words I shared at the funeral:

Heidi

My first attempt at writing down my memories and thoughts of Heidi turned out to be four pages long, and I still felt that I only scratched the surface of the important role she has played in my life and the life of our family.  I have been a part of the Nielsen family for about 17 years, first as Dave’s girlfriend and then as his wife.  Dave and I started dating the same summer Chris and Ripper were married, so we have all been together for quite a while now.  Many of you have known Heidi even longer than I, and I’m sure you would all agree there is no one else quite like Heidi.  Anyone who has ever met Heidi will always have a special memory and a special place in their heart.

When I think back over the last 17 years, I remember Heidi has someone who was very strong and determined but also kind and caring.  She would be the first to tell you what you were doing was wrong, but she would also be the first to help you fix your mistakes.  Heidi loved to give thoughtful gifts and to spoil her children and grandchildren when she could, but she also had high expectations for all of us.  She had a clever sense of humor, and she loved to have a good time. 

Through the years, I have traveled to Europe and all around the US with Jim and Heidi.  Sometimes we traveled with the entire Nielsen family, and sometimes it was just with Dave, Erik, Anna and me.  Living next to Heidi for 5.5 years now, and spending time traveling together gave a lot of time for us to talk to get to know one another.  Heidi also talked about how proud she was of Chris and his successes with his work.  She talked about how when Ripper became her daughter-in-law how excited she was to finally have another female in the family.  She said she loved Ripper so much that she was worried that she could never have room for other daughter-in-laws in her heart.  She loved when they would visit one another and go shopping or out to dinner together.  She talked about how she was always so proud of how smart David was with his Master’s degrees and teaching career.  She talked about how Craig would always be her baby, even though he is grown with a successful career and wife and children.  She talked about how alike she and Amanda were with their cleaning and worrying, and how much she enjoyed their conversations and Amanda’s sense of humor.  She was proud of all her sons for being such wonderful fathers.  She loved each and every one of her grandchildren and saw what was special in each of them.  She especially loved spending time with the grandchildren, taking care of them, and spoiling them.  Even her last week at home, after not being able to have Anna over in the mornings before school for a while, Heidi insisted on having Anna come for breakfast again in the morning.  Heidi made Anna bacon and strawberries with powder sugar again like she used to a couple more times that last week she was home.

Heidi has always been an important part of our family, but she became a daily part of our family after we became neighbors.  When Heidi went house shopping with me after David and I decided to move, she brought up the idea of wanting to also move but only if I was okay with her building a house right next to ours.  I smiled and said, “Oh, that’d be great,” but inside I was thinking, “Oh my, what am I getting myself into.”  But just like our “family honeymoon”, moving next door has had more ups and downs and I am so grateful for the time we had together, for how strong our relationship became, the close relationship the kids had with their Oma, and for the memories we will always have.  Heidi has been my mother-in-law for 14 years but has also become my neighbor, my babysitter, one of my best friends, my confidant, my cheerleader, my decorator, at times my cleaning lady, my landscaper, my travel companion, and so much more.  I will miss her and notice her absence daily.

Six months ago, Heidi received the cancer diagnosis.  It was difficult watching such a strong women become less dependent.  She went through multiple chemotherapy treatments, was able to go on one last family vacation to Yellowstone with the whole Nielsen family, then after one more chemo treatment received the news that she was all clear in the lungs and liver.  We were happy about the progress, but then were told that the cancer was still in the brain.  After beginning radiation, Heidi had some seizures on evening.  She recovered enough to continue her radiation, but she continued to have some confusion and did not quite have her usual spunk.

Two weeks ago, Heidi had a lovely lunch with Jim and her good friend Helga.  Erik and Anna were going to my parent’s house for the weekend and they made sure to give Oma a hug and kiss goodbye and to tell her they loved her and would see her Sunday.  Dave and I went to dinner with Jim and Heidi and ironically the special of the night was an “Octoberfest” special.  It was a knockworst, a weisswurst, and a bratwurst.  She ate all three.  We were excited that she ate so heartily after not eating a lot the last few weeks.  We had some good laughs and shared many memories and stories as we ate dinner that night, unaware that would be our last dinner together.  The next day, Dave and I came home from a long run and Heidi was sitting in her chair unaware of her surroundings.  From there, she was back in the hospital.  The good doctors and nurses at St. Joseph’s did their best, but I believe Heidi was finished fighting.  She was not the same spunky, feisty, high energy person she had been before the cancer.  She did not want to live a life where she couldn’t enjoy good food, family, laughs, and fun.

She leaves behind a husband, children, grandchildren, and friends who will forever be grateful for having her in their lives.  Anyone who ever met Heidi would have a story to tell, and the story would most definitely include some humor and some kindness.  Heidi always wished to be a bird so she could soar free.  She always said when she passes she hopes to be on top of a mountain somewhere.  Heidi, I hope you are soaring with the birds above the mountains.  Spend sometime in the Rockies and some in the Alps…they are both beautiful, whether you want to admit it or not, but also keep an eye out for us and listen to our prayers and memories of you.